I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
