WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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