I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
