I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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