she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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