Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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