I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
