I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
