By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
my god I love twenty year old dicks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
