i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
