I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
