Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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