i just had sex bonerless
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
