All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
