So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my liver is dry heaving
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
