Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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