Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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