i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
