Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
