Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
