yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
