Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
