Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Swine flu is the new snow day.

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(206): View more from Washington

at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..

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(951): View more from California

Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants

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(907): View more from Alaska

Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...

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(802): View more from Vermont

Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.

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