My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
