I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ttyl tear gas
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
