guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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