I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
