A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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