Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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