She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
