we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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