omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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