My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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