I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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