i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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