I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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