Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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