so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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