We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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