We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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