I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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