Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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