"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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