I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
