and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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