Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
