i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
