She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
did i walk over a car last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
