can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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