We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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