It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
