Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
