Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
