i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
