i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize