I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
