You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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