Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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