no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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