I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
