all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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