why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
