Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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