mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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