I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Found the puke drawer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
