Swine flu. Run for my life!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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