after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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